You know what’s the worst thing about men who make rape jokes? They’re such total pussies. Aren’t they? They’re pussies and wimpy faggots and sissy-assed little bitches.
Oh, sorry. I should apologise for the language. Obviously, as a relatively well-balanced human being, I don’t normally use these hateful words. But I wanted to speak to the kind of men who make rape jokes in their own language.
And what I mean is this: I mean that these guys are wimps. They’re weaklings and cowards. They are, by their own argot, whiny bitches and limp-wristed faggots.
They presumably think of themselves as tough guys, alpha male all the way, real men’s men. The sort of man who doesn’t just think he’s better than women, but knows it, goddamit. The sort of man who looks down on those of us who are feminist, pacifist, vegetarian, pro-gay rights, or less-than-all-man in any other way, with utter contempt.
They’re bad-ass motherfuckers, these ones, cool rebels who make their own rules, like a marine crossed with Che Guevara crossed with The Terminator.
Except, of course, they’re not. They’re bullies. Which is the complete antithesis of being a rebel, or being bad-ass, or cool, or tough, or courageous. Being a bully means you’re gutless, conformist, narrow-minded, stupid and vindictive. It means you suck up to the powerful and take it out on the weak.
And comedy is never really funny when it’s coming down the chain of power, is it? Like, a working-class stand-up slagging off a billionaire, that’s fine; Bill Gates taking the piss out of a homeless guy, not so funny.
So it is with rape jokes. Yes, yes, it’s just a joke, you say; but it’s not really funny when the joke’s being made by the powerful (men, the people who commit this crime) at the expense of the victims (women, almost always. Although all those rape-in-prison jokes? Yeah, they’re not very funny either).
Sure, rape-joke comic guy, you have the right to make these hideously off-colour gags. Just as you have the right to be a gigantic fucking asshole all your life. Sadly, you being an asshole isn’t yet illegal, and punishable by you being beaten to death with your own limbs. And neither is your rapey comedy.
But it still isn’t funny, and more than that, it still ain’t cool. It ain’t cool and it ain’t rebellious and it doesn’t mark you out as a hard man. It shows you up as a chicken-shit weasel.
You know what’d be a really cool thing for the likes of Daniel Tosh to do? Something that would show us just how tough and daring and macho they were.
Daniel Tosh, and all the other comedians who supported him on grounds of free speech and ‘get a sense of humour’ and ‘fuck you if you were offended’ et cetera et cetera…I’d like to see them go to a punk club in Moscow and tell jokes about assaulting the audience’s mothers or children. Or tell Holocaust gags in a Jerusalem club. Or go to Johannesburg and make some hilarious cracks about black people.
Never mind the rape jokes, the easy targets, some poor woman in the minority of a crowd. Front up, fellas. Grow a pair. Show us how fearless you really are.
I mean – you’re not going to pussy out, are you?